guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
