I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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