there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
