He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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