is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
