Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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