where am i from again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
