I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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