Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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