I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
