I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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