Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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