I'm really into asian looking animals
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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