ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
