Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
