when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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