Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
