i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
