Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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