Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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