he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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