I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
