Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
