Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
