Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
