Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
