Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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