I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I need to stop coming to work sober
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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