11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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