do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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