R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
