so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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