I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize