put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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