she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
