Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
