Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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