he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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