Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
