whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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