I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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