Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
