I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize