yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
