I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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