Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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