Welp...herpes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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