Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
