he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
