First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
