he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
