we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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