I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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