I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
