just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
