I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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