i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
