I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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