Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
