Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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