I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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