barbara walters just said penis...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize