drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
