I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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