So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
