i wish peter jackson would direct porn
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
