I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
