i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
