That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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