shes about as inviting as chlamydia
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
