I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize