when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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