He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cut my penus on the lid.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
