For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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