I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
