I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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