she was so not down for the gang bang
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
