So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
