I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize