I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
