So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
