I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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