So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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