so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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