Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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