addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
