I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
