I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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