I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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