Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
