Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
