let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
tell me about the fingering
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