i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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