i wish my penis had a tongue
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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