guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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