so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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