the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry about my life...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
