it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize